This week my 4 year old daughter gave herself a hair cut. Yep, all of her lovely golden curls, that took nearly 3 years to grow, are now gone. But you know what? I didn’t yell and I’m OK with it.
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Why I Didn’t Yell When My Child Gave Herself A Hair Cut
I remember once when I was 9 years old, I trimmed my little sister’s hair. She had these lovely little curls that I envied. Plus, I’m pretty sure she asked me to cut them…really…truly…maybe not…
Around the same time I remember giving myself a little trim off the top. You see, I have a funky way my hair likes to grow in the back. My mom always called it my “cow lick.” Well, it would never lay down just the way I wanted so, I decided that since I made my sister look so beautiful with my keen beauticians eye, that I could do the same for myself.
I snipped a chunk of hair right off the top of my head. I realized my oversight immediately because that little chunk was now standing straight up! To fix this blunder I cut that chunk of hair right to my scalp.
I really felt like I had showed that annoying “cow lick” who was boss, ya know.
Imagine my disappointment when 6 months later I had this exasperating chunk of hair growing out of my head that looked like a roosters tail feathers!
Why I Didn’t Yell When My Child Gave Herself A Hair Cut
There was also a time when I was 13 and had long beautiful hair. I remember I was going through some tough changes and challenges as most 13 year old’s do. I didn’t feel pretty and I asked my mom to take me to the salon, which was really just some salon chain next to the grocery store. I left there with an adorable bob just below my chin and I felt exceptional! That is, until I got home. My stepfather did not approve of such a short hair cut. He huffed, and growled and gave me a stern talking to, but in the end there was nothing he could do. My hair was cut and I was happy.
Why I Didn’t Yell When My Child Gave Herself A Hair Cut
So, fast forward to this past week. My sister and I are sitting on the couch chatting about how my daughter has her first ballet class in 15 minutes. Said daughter comes walking into the living room announcing that she is now ready. There was an audible gasp as we turned to see her.
Half of her hair was missing! We were shocked. Ten minutes ago she had long golden hair and suddenly…not! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I wasn’t sure what to do. But I knew I didn’t want to yell. That didn’t feel like the right thing to do.
I tried to compose myself as best I could. I calmly asked her what she was trying to do and with tears in her eyes she said, “I wanted to look like Hermione Granger.”
She was of course talking about the pixie cut that Emma Watson had so fashionably worn a few years back.
There was nothing I could do at the moment as ballet class was looming. I told her that after ballet I would take her to get her hair cut in whatever way she wanted. So, to ballet we went.
Afterwards we went to a chain salon. My daughter was so excited! It was adorable really. The ladies at the salon were shocked when we first walked in. I told them to give my daughter whatever hair cut she wanted.
Why I Didn’t Yell When My Child Gave Herself A Hair Cut
I’ll be honest. I really have no idea what I’m doing with this parenting gig. We are lucky if everyone is wearing pants most days. I struggle with the way I was raised verses the way I would have liked to be raised, verses how I’m actually raising my own kids and their unique needs. In those extraordinary moments when my kids test my mom skills or express their own individuality I prefer to rely on love, understanding, and keeping the lines of communication open. Some days I’m better at it than others. Some days I fail miserably. There are days when I get a big dose of reality and other days I open my mouth and my mother comes out. If you’re a mom, then you know what I’m talking about!
Why didn’t I yell? I saw this moment as a learning opportunity both for my daughter and myself.
- In this moment my daughter was learning about body autonomy and that she was a separate individual capable of making decisions about her body. After all it is her hair.
- There are consequences to every action. Though our daughter LOVES her pixie cut, she was devastated that she could no longer have a pony tail. This was a serious consequence for a 4 year old that loves pony tails!
- As a parent I’m learning…well, I’m learning how to parent. Every day presents a new opportunity for me. What good would yelling have been? It would only serve to make my daughter feel bad about herself. Yelling wouldn’t have caused her hair to grow back and even if it had…is that really what I would want if it wasn’t what my daughter wanted?
- Also, it seems to be a right of passage to cut ones hair when you’re little. So, if you’re a parent…be prepared.
My daughter walked out of the salon a happy little girl with a pixie hair cut just like she wanted. I walked with her hand in hand wondering if I did the right thing, and you know what? I think I did.
What a wonderful perspective to have! I do think it is so easy to get upset about this type of thing, but you’re right–would it really have helped? Nope. And it is her hair, so at some point, every little girl learns that taking scissors to her own hair isn’t the best idea, LOL. I love how you responded! Definitely an inspiration and again, a great perspective.
Awe thank you!
You handled it perfectly. I hope I do the same 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Awe, thank you Jen!
Oh that would be so hard! I would have wanted to cry. I have not yet had a child cut her own hair but I always worry that will happen. Good job for getting through that and taking her to get a haircut that she wanted.
Awe, thank you! She looks adorable with her pixie cut, doesn’t she?! 🙂
My daughter chopped her own hair, too, around age 4. I was so sad because I had been waiting for her wispy hair to be long enough to braid. She cut it in the front all the way to her scalp! Eventually it grew back–but it looked weird for a year!
Age 4 seems like the year for it! Our son has never attempted to cut his hair. Though he did apply an entire tub of Vaseline to it once….It took a weeks worth of washings to get it all out!
Awe, so sad for your mama heart, missing her adorable hair 🙁 But you’re right, it’s just hair, and it grows back. I did the same when I was four! I was mistaken for a little boy for quite some time, but it all grew back and makes a funny story. I honestly don’t remember my mom’s reaction.
My middle daughter also cut her own hair at 4 (what is it with four-year-olds?!) Definitely a right of passage!
Thank you. Yep, it’s just hair and hair grows back…if that’s what she wants. 🙂